Christians Practicing Recovery

SELF-SABOTAGE

Most of us do things that are self-sabotaging; we do it out of habit and we do some of it unconsciously. I used to self medicate with alcohol so I could handle stress. I did this because at first it worked, but then the negative effects of drinking kicked in and I found that I was hurting myself physically and emotionally by doing the things I learned from my family and others. Self-sabotage is where I overdue something and then I’m hurt physically, emotionally, relationally, and with my job. My goal is to not take something or have to do something to make me feel good and later pay the price. These actions separate me from God, myself and others. I’m seeking a balanced life where I don’t have to take something or do something to feel good.
 
I self-sabotage when my behavior or actions hurt me or keep me from moving forward. Typical ways of self-sabotage are self medicating, procrastination, codependency, emotional eating, retail therapy, sex addiction, workaholism, gambling, idealizing, etc. We sabotage our work environment and relationships when we have a bad attitude. Many resort to self-sabotage by repeating behaviors we learned in our dysfunctional families. We seek out dysfunctional people who mirror people we are familiar with in our families. These include alcoholics, needy people or those with addictive personalities. One reason for doing this is because of our low self esteem or our lack of self worth. Becoming aware of what we do to self-sabotage and increasing our desire for self care helps to overcome our self destructive habits.
 
Most of our self-sabotaging behaviors have one thing in common; they are things we look outside ourselves for relief. Our self-sabotaging comes from our inside thinking and the solution needs to be from the inside. It’s important to look at the things we do when we get stressed or triggered. Reaching for the candy, the cigarette, the pills, cutting, or acting out sexually are things that have consequences. I sabotage myself by being self destructive through my negative thinking and not caring that I may harm myself.  My biggest fear is to be abandoned by others but I sabotage relationships by being angry, oversensitive, and by trying to control others.
 
It’s time for me to look at my part and to stop denying that just because its familiar behavior, it doesn’t mean it works. Insanity is me not taking responsibility for my actions and wanting the world to change so I’ll feel better. My feelings tell me not to feel but that’s self-sabotaging also.
 
I need to change on the inside so that I can take better care of myself. My self image and self esteem are up to me and now that I love myself; I don’t want to do things that hurt me. I have invited God to dwell on the inside so that I can rely on his love and do what’s right in his eyes.

My negative self talk is a big part of my sabotaging and I’m learning to turn it off. I don’t want to have to depend on others or things in order to cope with life. I’m so thankful I stopped drinking because it forces me to look for inside solutions to my problems. By going to meetings I always hearing new ways of coping from others. My tool box was mostly empty but in recovery I’m using new tools like calling someone, writing my thoughts, feeling my feelings and turning to God. Self-sabotage is me not valuing me and is changed when I try new things.

I VALUE MYSELF AND I’M TAKING RESPONSIBILITY FOR MY ACTIONS.